Neal's Gone Crazy
by tamoranarutoholic
Summary: All our Favorite Fantasy characters dumped into Tortall for this oneshot in which they run into Neal Or actually Neal runs into them. Wonderfully Randome fic and if you review I will worship you forever. Rating is over cautious PLLLEEEEAAASEEE REEAAAD
1. Chapter 1

This is my first ever Fanfic and if you don't review I will be devastated so keep that in mind. I don't care if you hate it review and tell me, so that way you won't be subjected to another one as sucky as this one. Oh if you do review I'll build you a shrine 80 feet tall. Alright so read about Neal's day in all its Neal- bashing glory.

"HEY YOOOUUUU'

Neal looked up at the sky.

"Me?" he whispered in awe

"No that rock next to you"

"Oh ok" Neal said as he continued walking

The voice from above sighed and threw a rock at Neal.

Neal screamed and ran down the hill towards the castle

"Leave me alone!" He bellowed as he ran away. He was to busy looking at the sky to notice where he was going and he tripped and landed on a garden spade that belonged to no other than dun dun dun ROSETHORN! MWUH HUH HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

"Who in the hell are you?" Neal asked ever so politely.

"I'm Rosethorn and why in Mila's name are you yelling like that? You look like and sound like a woman."

" How did you know?" Neal asked in awe.

"Well I-"

"Don't judge me!" Neal screamed and ran away

Then he took off his pants. Dunno why, just did. Then he continued to run away from the mysterious woman. As he was skipping happily (and pants free along the castle grounds he ran into Glinda the Good Witch.

"Why Neal," she said in that uber annoying voice that made it sound like she was coughing up sugar, lolli pops, and my little ponies with every word.

"Why are you acting like such a big meanie poopie head? Wouldn't you rather give people hugs?"

"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU BUBBLY SKANK!" Neal yelled as he backed up against a tree.

"Why Neal that was rather rude. I'm going to have to put you in time out"

"NEVA!" Neal screamed (wow he sure has been screaming a lot.) He then pulled a grenade out of his pocket, pulled out the pin, and thew it into Glinda's bubble thingee. He took off down a hill and heard a BOOM followed by a shower of little bitty bubbles. He began to giggle and leap up in the air with his mouth ioen to catch bubbles on his tongue. Once he got bored he leapt into a summersault and rolled away.

He then met up with none other than Kel.

"Neal what happened to your pants?"

"Why are you asking such stupid questions?" Neal asked as he got up off the ground and spit out some grass.

" I really actually think it's an appropriate question-"

"Shut up with your smarticality"

He then took off his shirt (once again for no apparent reason) and ran away from Kel along the side off the castle, screaming, "I am sunflower hear me roar GRAAAWWWL!"

Then Allana threw a shoe out her window and hit Neal in the head. He screamed and went flying into a bush.

"Shut the fuck up! I'm trying to finish knitting this – I mean uh erm I'm trying to finish sharpening my sword and uh using it to kill someone! What the hell is wrong with you anyway? Did you get into the dear tranquilizer again or have you been sniffing around that bush outside the bathroom. You remember last time that happened it took us three weeks to convince the judge to let you out of that place! Do you want to go back?"

"Hell no we won't go! We wont be neglected by you any more you short person! WE ARE NOT SCHIZOFRENIC! Ba boom baby ba boom" Neal screamed as he did a backflip out of the bush. He then took off his left shoe (I have no clue why he's stripping I guess he thinks his pasty body needs a tan. I like him just the way he is though) and started rolling in the mud. " I will not wear your underwear, mother! Brush your own damn hair! (haha Malcolm in the Middle)"

Allana through a glass bottle and a boot at him, both of which made contact. Unfortunatley neither projectile had any effect on Neal's… rage?

He He ran inside to continue his tirade in the castle. He then ran into (literally) Daine who was walking with a puppy in her arms. Numair was behind her.

Daine screamed, "Aw God Neal PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!" Numair Collapsed onto the cold floor screaming.

"My eyes they burn oh Whyyyyyyyyyyy? Whyyyyyy would some one do this to me ! Make the pain go away! Just kill me nooooww."

"OK" Neal said and stabbed Numair. "Hee hee aha hahahah" he giggled

"Neal what the hell is wrong with you why would you do tha- hey what are you doing?"

Neal had begun do dance. He danced his little heart out that day. He did a moon walk then the worm and then he spun around and thrust out his pelvis and went "ooooh OOOOOOOH", and when he was done with that he did the worst thing he did the worst thing he could have done…. He began to freak dance with Daine (lets not forget he has no pants or shirt and he only has one shoe, and his underwear.) and as if that wasn't enough he began to sing.

Down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down!

Ok..

Guess who's back?

Back again

Shady's back

Tell a friend

Whaaaaaaaa

Now everyone report to the dance floor

To the dance floor, to the dance floor

Now everyone report to the dance floor

Alright Stop!...Pajama time

Come here little kiddies, On my lap

Guess who's back with a brand new rap?

And I don't mean rap as in a new case of child molestation accusation

(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)

No worries, papa's got a brand new bag of toys

What else could I possibly do to make noise?

I done touched on everything, but little boys

That's not a stab at Michael

That's just a metaphor, I'm just psycho

I go a little bit crazy sometimes

I get a little bit out of control with my rhymes

Good God, dip, do a little slide

Bend down, touch your toes and just glide

Up the center of the dance floor

Like TP for my bunghole

And it's cool if you let one go

Nobody's gonna know, who'd hear it?

Give a little "poot poot", it's OK! ( Neal Farted and grinned)

Oops my CD just skipped

And everyone just heard you let one rip

Chorus

Now I'm gonna make you dance

It's your chance

Yeah boy shake that ass

Oops I mean girl girl girl girl

Girl you know you're my world

Alright now lose it

(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)

Just lose it

(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)

Go crazy

(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)

Oh baby

(HA-HA)

Oh baby, baby

(HA-HA)

Well, it's Friday and it's my day

Just to party all the way to Sunday

Maybe 'til Monday, I dunno what day

Everyday's just a holiday

Crusin' on the freeway

Feelin' kinda breezy

Got the top down, lettin' my hair blow

I dunno where I'm goin'

All I know is when I get there

Someone's gonna "touch my body"

Excuse me miss, I don't mean to sound like a jerk

But I'm feelin' just a little stressed out from work

Could you punch me in the stomach and pull my hair?

Spit on me, maybe gouge my eyes out? (Yeah)

Now, what's your name girl?

What's your sign?

Dr Dre "Man, you must be up out your mind"

DRE! (HA-HA)

Beer Goggles! Blind!

I'm just tryna unwind now I'm

Now I'm gonna make you dance

It's your chance

Yeah boy shake that ass

Oops I mean girl girl girl girl

Girl you know you're my world

Alright now lose it

(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)

Just lose it

(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)

Go crazy

(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)

Oh baby

(HA-HA)

Oh baby, baby

(HA-HA)

It's Tuesday and I'm locked up

I'm in jail and I don't know what happened

They say I was running butt naked

Down the street screaming

(HA-HA-HA-HA-HA)

Well I'm sorry, I don't remember

All I know is this much

I'm not guilty

They said, "Save it, boy we gotcha you on tape

yellin' at an old lady 'Touch my body!'"

Now this is the part where the rap breaks down

It gets real intense, no one makes a sound

Everything looks like it's 8 Mile now

The beat comes back and everybody lose themselves

Snap back to reality

Look it's B.Rabbit!

Yo you signed me up to battle?

I'm a grown man!

Chubba chubba chubba chubba chubba chubbie

I don't have any lines to go right here so, chubba teletubbie!

Fella's (WHAT!) Fella's (WHAT!)

Grab you left nut, make your right one jealous (what?)

Before he got a chance to finish Dom walked up an kicked him in his "area" (hint hint wink wink) Neal just stood and blinked.

"Neal how the hell many time do I have to tell you? YOU CAN'T DANCE OR RAP! What the fuck is wrong with you? Look what you did do Daine."

Daine was crouched on the floor rocking on her heals with her thumb in her mouth and the puppy's paw in her hand. The puppy was trying to chew off the leg that was trapping him under Daine. Neal grabbed the puppy and skipped outside yelling " I'm the prettiest girl in the whole world!" He then drop kicked the puppy and he went flying over the wall and hit a tree…. That was a bit extreme I suppose. Poor puppy. **Rewind**. Neal put the puppy gently on the floor and bandaged the leg he had been trying to chew off with his no longer wanted underwear (He washed them first in a conveniently located stream) and then patted the puppy on his head. "Run along little buddy." The puppy licked Neal's face and ran away. Neal then ran off and almost tripped over Artemis Fowl.

"Hey little person." Neal said

"What the-" Artemis started but was interupted by Neal's screaming

"Stop defecating into that cantaloupe what is wrong with you?" Then he smacked Artemis and tried to run away only to scream as Butler came charging at him. Butler stopped right before he hit Neal.

"Ugh do I have to touch that? It's naked, and covered in mud." He then turned around and barfed. Neal spanked him and ran away. He was skipping along in the castle courtyard when he spotted four people. Naruto Uzamuki, Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, and Kakashi Hitake or something like that. (There all characters from this Manga I'm addicted to hence my pen name. Kakashi is their teacher and he has a mask and a headband over his face so all you can see is one of his eyes, and Naruto is stupid and hyper and Sasuke never talks, and they're all ninja and I don't feel like talking about this nemore.)

"Who the fuck are you?" Neal screamed

Kakashi shrugged and summoned his dogs. They all swarmed and started eating on Neal. " ARRRGGGHHEEHWWHWHWHGGAAAH Get them off meeeeeee !" Neal yelled and started crying. Kakashi shrugged again and ripped off his mask and started making out with Sakura. Then they both collapsed on the ground and got it on. Sasuke and Naruto looked at them and gasped; so after all these months under Kakashi's mask there was…

BLOOOOOOOP WE ARE TESTING THE EMERGENCY DOODADAMATHINGYMAJIGGER YEP SEEMS FINE WE ARE ALL CLEAR.

Naruto looked at Sasuke, shrugged and then they started making out.

AN HOUR LATER

Naruto was giving Sasuke a hand job and Kakashi and Sakura were… well… busy.

Neal had finally gotten out of the dog situation by promising them his eternal soul and a big bag of doggy kibble. yay! So he skipped off into the sunset only to find… Tris, Harry Potter ( Daniel Radcliffe is miiiiinnnneeee! Don't Touch him! **snarls**), Briar, and Violet Baudelaire, Ron, Hermione, and Sandry. As soon as they all saw him they screamed in horror and agony. Hermione being the smartest of them all yelled out,

"Avada Kedavra." Neal then collapsed on the ground dead.

"Hey Hermione," Harry Asked in his oh so sexy voice. "Isn't that illegal?"

She shrugged " I don't think so since we're not technically in the wizarding world… or muggle world… hey where the hell are we!"

Ron swooped in and kissed her "Who cares, as long as we're together I'm happy."

"Aw Ron your so-" She was cut off by his mouth on hers

"Oh Ron… MMMMM… Your so… oh WOW." She said as he carried her off into these nifty little woods. Harry felt left out so he slid over to Violet (whom he had secretly been having an interbook love affair with) and grabbed her ass. She whirled around and leaped up to wrap her legs around his waste and they started making out too (and I start crying). Briar grabbed Sandry and tried to kiss her but she slapped him.

"I am Sandreline Fa something or other and I will not be kissed by you, you… street rat."

"Oh no she didn't!" Violet said from under Harry, only to have her face pulled back onto his (I'm still sobbing). Briar shrugged and slapped her back then yelled, "It was always Tris I wanted!" Then Tris squealed and tackled Briar and they made sweet love under a Cherry tree that Briar had told to grow over them. So they all lived happily ever after (except for me an Ginny but I don't have the heart to break up Harry and Violet they're just so cute together). Oh and what about Neal? You ask. Does he deserve to die? Maybe he dosent but life's tough sometimes unless Thomo comes back to life to do something incredibly stupid and bring Neal back to life too. DUH DUN DUNNNNNN


	2. Disclaimer

Disclaimer: I forgot to put this in earlier so I'm adding it now heh hem. In no way shape or form do I own or profit from any of the things, references, characters or ideas that you have seen or will see in any of my present, past or future fanfiction works, that you have seen in other places, or works of literature or anywhere in general. There I hope that covers it all.


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